Sunday, January 11, 2009

Fleeting memories of bonded relationships as my companion.

Restless days and sleepless nights wishing you could be at my side gives me time for contemplation and resolve. No more will I beg for affirmation from another's soul journey. My own destination will take me farther than to travel another's path. You've unfolded your maps and charted your course and now there's no turning back.
Why oh why does it feel so scary to know that a new journey must begin because the other will never be complete. When will I ever find someone to share my path and not be afraid to walk beside me hand in hand. Will I ever know for sure or is the damage so deeply carved that only solitude and self can repair the wounds. Here I go yet again wondering why and if the wounds ever heal.
First wrote those lines 20 years ago and they still echo in my ears and shout to my soul to please find the cure. Where is the antic dote to an illness of possibly my own making. Will my journey ever be over or is life truly a journey and not just a destination. Does anyone know the answer, or is there one?

To journey alone is a fearful thought, yet as I travel there are sure to be others along the path who have marched before me and greet me with warnings of caution yet wishes of God-speed.
My resolve to pursue avenues of accomplishment have always included the sharing of the path with a supportive hand. To my downfall I seem to choose those who struggle to read their own road-maps and inevitably I disregard the street signs and follow a route which differs with my own.
It is with great trepidation and granted a bit of fear, I seemingly am destined to be alone in my travels, with only fleeting memories of bonded relationships as my companion.
My path is sure to be winding at certain times of growth yet I embark with cautious optimism that I will find my way, albeit with no one to share it with. How dreadful to think of sharing this with only acquaintances and not someone who pursues the same path or at least an adjoining one.
Many will journey this trail and be afraid, yet I know that along the way those of us who dare shall intertwine with those who were brave enough to go before.
Reality dictates that we are truly never alone as long as we travel lightly in our spirit so that the baggage we acquire along the way is not too burdensome to carry.
Pain and memory begin my journey with me as I carry only a small travel case to hold my writings and ambitions.This leaves me with one hand free to grasp at the stars and the promises that surely lay ahead.
Why my path was mapped this way I will leave for the angels to ponder for me until I reconcile the messages in each path, doing so with respect to myself and those heroes who have trod ahead.
The hopes and dreams of peoples and nations have been founded on the ambitions and sacrifices made by single souls who dare to follow the path set for them from the onset of time.
I dare to be egotistical enough to believe that I too have a responsibility to those yet to come to lay footpaths for them and their children. How dare I, some may say, but that does not deter me.
I can only envision those who question my resolve, wrapped in the timeless task of attempting to re-fold their own maps on the creases, as if it really matters. As for me I shall pin my maps upon the walls of my soul's hallway and not worry about the prefabricated folds.
So with this in mind I lay out my journals, enter these thoughts, and begin my travels. Perhaps along the way, our paths shall intertwine at a crossroads and I will welcome you to share my fire.
Until then I shall assume your maps are neatly folded and tucked away in the dashboard pocket of your spirit. Should you ever desire to journey with me it should be easy to find me. Just look on the wall in the hallway.

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